You Can't Tell Nathan
by heratulipsia
Summary: Post 4x05. The conversation they have after Duke outs Audrey... I couldn't wait, so I wrote my own. Friendship heavy between the two, mentions of her (angst ridden) relationship with Nathan.


A/N: So I'm super intrigued with what they've been doing so far with the new season! But oh man after that last episode I _really_ wanted to see the conversation she has with Duke! This is my take on it...

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"It's me," Audrey admitted as she grabbed him in a tight hug.

Duke closed his eyes for a second, but pushed her back, holding her by the shoulders. He searched her eyes, finding Audrey staring back up at him, an apologetic smile on her lips, and he pulled her back tight.

"You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry, it was kinda necessary."

"Have you been… you since the beginning?" he asked, pulling back again.

Audrey turned around and saw there were a few people inside the gull. She turned back to Duke. "Can we go upstairs? We shouldn't have this conversation where anyone could see us."

"Yeah, let's go," he agreed.

He followed Audrey up the familiar stairs to her apartment, keeping his steady gaze on the back of her head, willing her not to turn around as Lexie and say this was all a (cruel) joke. When he closed her apartment door behind him, she put his fears to rest as she let out another laugh of relief and hugged him again.

"Ugh. You have no idea how good it feels to be myself. Lexie's kind of exhausting."

"Yeah, so how long exactly, have you been Audrey?"

"Since the beginning," she scrunched her nose sheepishly, sitting down on the couch.

"Wait but why _are you_ Audrey? I mean, we were hoping you would be, but when you come out of the barn you're supposed to be somebody different right?"

"Normally, I think so, yeah."

"So why are you the same? Why are you still Audrey?"

Audrey looked away, smiling fondly. "He said I'd be who I wanted to be most."

"Who said?"

"William"

"Who's William?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. He was just… there. At the bar."

"Wait what bar?"

"I was Lexie. Inside the barn. I'm not really making her up. I wasn't Audrey while I was inside. Except it wasn't the barn. I turned it into a bar, in my mind, and I was a bartender. Lexie. William sat at the bar. Said he was there to make me see 'the truth.'"

"The truth?"

"That it was all an illusion. And that the barn was being destroyed."

Duke shook his head, clearly trying to process everything she was telling him, then something occurred to him.

"Shouldn't we call Nathan for this?" He pulled out his phone ready to hit speed dial (because honestly, who else did he call in this town?).

"No." Her hand slapped down on his arm and stopped him from dialing any further.

"Audrey…"

"Duke, you can't tell Nathan. He can't know."

"Audrey…"

"_No_, Duke. Absolutely not. He can't know."

"I found out, how long do you think it'll take him?"

"I don't know. I've been doing a pretty good job as Lexie. Acting how I know will, erm... turn him off me, I guess? Or Lexie at least. You should have seen his face when I told him I thought pancakes were gross. It was like I told him his puppy died." She looked down. "It was actually pretty horrible."

"Then for the love of God just put yourself out of your misery and tell him the truth!"

"Why? So he can put a gun in my hand again? The guard wants me to kill Nathan. _Nathan_ wants me to kill him. The big idiot. This is the only way."

"So since they think you're not Audrey and you don't love him, killing him won't work."

She lifts her eyebrows. "Bingo."

"You know they're just waiting for you—er... _Lexie_, to fall in love with him right?"

"Yeah and who's grand plan was that?"

"Hey I was thinking on my toes! They were chasing him down the hill shootin' at him! Besides… it bought us more time."

"Right… I just have to keep Nathan at arm's length. At least 'til we find some other way to stop the troubles. However long that takes."

"You have any idea how to do that?"

Her silence gave him his answer. "You realize this is killing him, right?"

She huffed. "And you think this is easy for me? Acting like I don't… know him? I've been having to think about everything I say. Make sure I don't slip up and give myself away. This is not easy Duke," she said, then added quietly, "It's killing me too."

He studied her. She looked exhausted. The thick eyeliner he wasn't used to seeing on her just made her dark circles seem deeper. Duke sighed, stood up and made his way over to her fridge. He grabbed two of the beers he'd stocked for Jennifer, and went back to the couch. He handed her one, and she gave him a resigned, thankful smile.

"So tell me what happened to _you_. You jumped in the barn too?" With everything she'd been through, she hadn't been able to ask without giving herself away.

"Nathan told me to follow you. Pull you back out. I swear I was in there for maybe 2 minutes, then I was falling through…wherever, I don't know- space and time apparently- then I got dumped in a seal tank at an aquarium in Boston. Six months later."

"What?"

"Yeah. Weird right? Although none of this _isn't_ weird. Anyway… I'm handcuffed to a hospital bed, then Jennifer barges in saying she's my sister, and turns out she's been hearing everything that's been going on inside the barn since I started yelling for you. Thought she was crazy til she heard me on TV."

"You were on TV?"

"Yeah. Apparently crazy people who can appear in fish tanks make the local news. But she heard me calling for you, then heard you and this William guy I guess, and helped us get you out. You know the rest. You opened a door, we opened a door… poof," he gestured. "Here you are."

"Right.. poof. I wake up on a hill surrounded by the Guard all pointing guns at me, and Nathan wants me to kill him." She shakes her head, still mad at the idiotic thought.

"What's going on with the Guard anyway? I thought Vince had them under control."

"Barely. You know Jordan's basically telling everyone what to do. I don't know how long we've got before she gets too impatient and just wants to kill both of you."

"Except…"

"What?"

"I think she still has feelings for Nathan."

"What? Audrey, if there ever was an example of usin' and abusin'—"

"I know. But did you see her face when Nathan put that gun in my hands? She was practically crying. She may want the troubles gone, but we might be able to use her to find another way."

"How?"

"I don't know. Have the guard look into things. They must have information about the troubles. How they started? When they started? We've got to start digging into that. The first time I was in Haven… Something has to shed light on this…" she trailed off.

Duke, wanting nothing to do with the Guard or their tattoos, wasn't sure he was too fond of her plan. "But they didn't know about killing Nathan until he told them. They didn't know anything beyond the fact that you had to go into that barn. They wanted to kill Nathan for messing up the cycle and killing Howard."

"Wait Nathan did _what_?!"

"Well we think he's dead. I keep forgetting you don't know all this. After you went in, Nathan shot Howard, thinking it would stop the barn from... doing it's thing. But then Jordan showed up and shot Nathan, and then I shot Jordan. It was a mess. Nathan said there was a meteor shower when it was imploding…"

"Wait Jordan shot Nathan?"

"Yeah I'm not too sure she'll be very helpful."

She sighed. "I don't know, Duke, I'm telling you- you didn't see her face. She didn't want him to die. It's worth a shot. We don't have much to work with here."

"There's something else though. I think Vince and Dave know more about the barn than they're saying."

"Surprising," she said sarcastically. "What else is new?"

"Dave didn't want us to open the door to get you back. Said we'd unleash powers we wouldn't want in Haven."

"What does _that_ mean?"

"You got me…"

But then Audrey remembered something. "Those two guys…" Audrey says, not realizing aloud.

"What two guys?"

Her head snapped back to his. "William was trying to get me to remember, but there was this other guy who came in. Little weasel-y looking guy with a gun, apparently trying to stop William from helping me. We scared him off the first time, but then he came back with this other huge guy, I mean practically a giant. I got them to leave again, but that's the thing. They left. He wasn't a part of my imagination, Duke. When I tried to leave and walked out the door, I just ended up walking back in again. Like I was trapped. But those other two. William. They weren't my imagination. When he made me see the truth, that the bar wasn't real, the people inside it weren't real, he didn't disappear. He _was_ real."

"Okay, well that's something…"

"What do you mean that's something? That's just more questions Duke! And if the Teague's know anything, I doubt I'll be able to get anything out of them without giving myself away! All we have is more problems!"

Duke grunted in agreement. She was working herself up. She was right though, Lexie obviously wouldn't have a reason to care to interrogate the Teagues. And judging by her state now, he doubted Audrey would be able to hold herself back…

"Think you can do it?" she asked, surprising him.

He looked at her, not at all happy with the idea.

"There not really too happy with me right now. Not with my brother still in town," he made the excuse, although the tattoos were another reason he didn't want to go near the Guard unless he had to. "I think Dwight would have better luck."

"At least he's still on our side, right?"

"Sasquatch is good people. He's been keeping the guard from going after Nathan as much as possible. People said he's been doing good as chief since Nathan left. Made him a detective again once he pulled his head out of his ass."

"Where did he go? What the hell happened to him?" Duke knew she was talking about Nathan again.

"After we left, I guess, the guard chased him out-of-town. When Jennifer and I busted out of that hospital I tracked him down and found him at a biker bar letting people hit him for cash."

"_What?!_"

"Yeah. I know."

"He… _what_…" Audrey just stared at him, at a loss of what to think. Her mouth opened, but she didn't know what to say. Someone needed to knock some sense into him. Clearly Duke was right; this _was_ killing him. He lost his job—the thing he was most good at, and his…partner. And best friend/whatever they were. It seemed like he'd given up. She wasn't sure she'd be doing much better if she'd thought she'd lost him. But wanting her to kill him? _What the hell was he thinking?_ Why on _Earth_ did he think she'd _ever_ agree to do that? No way in hell. She wouldn't kill James, and she wouldn't kill Nathan.

_James_.

Duke had been silent, watching her process all he had told her. He saw her tense up again, and knew she was about to ask him something she probably didn't want the answer to.

"Duke? What about James? Did he make it out?"

Duke went quiet.

"No, Audrey. Nathan thinks..."

"What?" Her blood was turning cold at his hesitant answer.

"He thinks he's gone. Destroyed, with the barn. And that it was his fault."

"But he thought we were gone too. What if he got out when I did? Or when you did? What if he didn't need a door? What if he's out there somewhere? Would he have his memories? Does he even know who he is?"

Audrey's voice had become horse. Duke watched as tears welled up in her eyes. She blinked to push them back, then took a long swig of beer to get herself under control.

"Audrey, you should really be having this conversation with—"

"_No, Duke_. How many times do I have to say it? _No_. We're not telling Nathan. I'm _not_ killing Nathan. _Nobody's_ killing Nathan." This time she didn't try to hide the angry tears.

"Okay, okay," he surrendered, hands up. He brought one down to rub the small of her back, as her head fell into her hands. It was silent again until she hiccuped, surprising them both. She laughed.

"Sorry, it's just…" she swiped at her face, getting herself under control.

"I know, Audrey. It's okay."

She shook it off and asked him, "Hey so tell me about this Jennifer chick, huh?"

"She could hear you talking to somebody in the barn. I guess it was that guy William?"

"No- I mean… she's cute."

Duke rolled his eyes.

"She might be going back to Boston anyway."

"What? Why? Isn't she troubled?"

"The barn's gone though. She hasn't heard anything since you came through it."

"But maybe she knows something else."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Something we haven't thought of yet."

"Well that's promising," he said sarcastically, but regretted it immediately seeing her frustration return.

"Duke, I don't know. I know I'm grasping at straws here. But she's a connection I don't think we can dismiss yet. And what if she hears something else? We don't know what could happen."

"I may have convinced her to stay for a while, but I'm not too sure she wants anything to do with the troubles."

"She might still _be_ troubled Duke. She might not have a choice. Until we find out for sure, Haven's probably the best place for her anyway."

He agreed with her on that.

"We're going to figure this out Duke. We _have_ to."

"I know."

They're silent for a few seconds.

"I should probably get back downstairs. I've been up here too long. The Guard will start thinking I'm trying to get you to fall in love with _me_ this time."

She smiled at his joke, realizing his way of addressing what no one else was. For everyone else it had been 6 months. But for Duke, it was only a few weeks. And a few weeks ago he was still in love with her.

Duke was important to her, and Audrey _did_ love him. Just maybe not in the way he had once hoped.

She remembered everything William had told her. That ache in her heart. Real love. Big love. Maybe it wasn't all about Nathan. Sure, he was a big part of it, a majority of it, but maybe it was a cumulative thing. She loved and was loved the most here in Haven as Audrey Parker. And Duke was a part of that.

"Hey, Duke?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"I'm just glad you're here. And you're you."

"Me too," she smiled. "But promise me- "

"I know. No telling Nathan."

"And you can't treat me like Audrey. I'm still Lexie. Got it? Everything is counting on that." She knew she was probably being annoying, but there was nothing more important than this.

"Got it. Lexie."

"Thanks," she said, and she really did mean it. "Hey, tomorrow night. Wanna do this again?" She held up her beer and wiggled it at him.

"Absolutely."

After putting on her act for Nathan all day again, she was pretty sure she was going to be in need of the alcohol, but also company she could be herself around.

"And hey. Call me tomorrow if you guys need my help."

"We always do." She smiled at him.

"And you're right."

"Of course I am," she said automatically. "About what?"

"We'll figure it out." He closed the door behind him.

Which part exactly was he talking about? As always, there were more questions than answers. Who exactly was William? And then there were those guys who tried to stop him from making her see the truth. Who were they? Did someone send them? And if so, were those people still "alive," or were they destroyed when the barn imploded? And if so, what did they want? Were they trying to keep her in there so she'd die with the barn? What did that mean? And who actually knew if the barn actually _was_ 100% destroyed? What if it was something that never really _could be_ destroyed? William said that it was dying, but what if it was something that just regenerated? Something that always had to _exist_? Did that make William the new Howard?

There were so many questions.

_God_, she wanted Nathan there. Even if he didn't have the answers, he'd at least tell her they'd figure it out. Together. Cause if he was here they'd _be_ _together_. She really was going to have to do her best not to be alone with him. At least not too often. She wanted to grab him and kiss him.

Actually, she wanted to punch him first. Then she'd kiss him.

_Kill him? Seriously?_

But really, her resolve was going to start to crumble if he kept looking at her with so much longing. Helping the troubled wasn't as hard as this. Nathan had become her rock, and without him… Well, things were harder. Actually… things sucked.

Audrey grabbed her beer and walked out the door, leaning on the railing, staring out at the water. How many times had she and Nathan stood out here talking about a case, or about Lucy? Figuring out what her life meant? She turned around and looked at the chairs that were still against the wall.

She had to stop doing this to herself. This wasn't helpful- she had to build up her walls. She'd blocked him out before. She could do it again. Until they figured out another way to stop the troubles. She could do it. It was going to be torture, but she could do it. And he'd just have to forgive her afterwards. If they could figure this out sooner than later, though, that'd be great. Then she could give Nathan the hello she'd wanted to on top of that hill.

* * *

So there you go! My take on their conversation. If Nathan doesn't find out it's really her in the next episode, if i'm inspired, I might take a stab at that scene!

-hera


End file.
